Breaking Down The Wall

Have you ever felt like there is an invisible wall blocking you from moving forward? You know it’s not real, but you can still feel it. There are many reason why I may be feeling blocked, but I just wish I knew, and what I could do to change it. At least I feel like writing a blog post, since it’s been a while that I’ve written one. I mentioned how I was feeling to my friends on Facebook. A few friends responded back. Julia said that she would practice forcing herself to write, even if she wasn’t feeling it. She also carries around a notebook and if she hears something beautiful she would write it down for inspiration. Christina told me that her  favorite author, Marie Force, gave the advice to write even when you don’t feel like it, and it will come back eventually. She added, write about anything, even if it’s a silly story or something about your day. Devorah suggested that maybe I needed a creative battery recharge. I’m not sure exactly what that entails but it sounds like something that would help.

So what’s my problem? Well, this month, I’ve been trying to write another novella for Camp NaNoWriMo. The first few days were tough but some how I was able to write until I reached, or almost reached, my daily goal. Then onward there was a steady progress towards my month goal till this week. I asked for help from a few of my friends who are, or have done, Camp NaNoWriMo plus my cabin-mates. Gloria suggested that I move my month goal to be a bit lower. It sounded like a good idea. Though it only seemed to work for like a day. One of my cabin-mates, ZonaXNiletak, who suggests focusing on the title of “winner” and having the draft completed as well as sprint wars, giving yourself rewards after writing, and just typing anything to get the words flowing.

I’ve mentioned that timed sprints have helped me, but lately they haven’t. I just feel physically tired (for some odd reason), and not motivated to write anything, even a blog post. Yet suddenly I’m able to write this so maybe I’ll be feeling better soon. I want to think positive, but I’m just not happy right now. Maybe my mood is effecting my writing because I didn’t have as much trouble in April. Though from the advice I’ve been given, I’m suppose to just sit down and force myself to write. I know it’s true, and I know it works. It’s obviously working right now. Or maybe my mind just needs to let out all that I’m feeling right now.

Yes, there are other personal things that are bring down my emotions, but I would think that I would be able to draw from it. Every thing I try to write, doesn’t seem to work. I know I’m suppose to ignore my inner critic, but I can’t seem to block it from doing its dirty work. It’s making me feel like I’m not good enough, even though I know I’m not. I’ve tried different things to help me feel like writing, but they don’t seem to work so far.

So what should I do? I want to complete my story, but at the same time I don’t feel like it’s interesting enough. If it’s not interesting to me, then why would anyone find it interesting if they read it. Not like there is that many people who will read it anyways. Though that’s not what’s important. I need to finish what I’ve started. I just don’t know where the story is going. Some would say that’s a good thing because then you explore where it might go. Though I’ve tried to figure out where it might go, and it just doesn’t seem to work either. I wish I could just pants my way out of this, but I don’t think that will work either. Though planning hasn’t helped. Do I need to go out and have a walk, and let inspiration come to me? I thought about it. I’ll be doing a bit of walking through my local bookstores later today, so who knows if that will help or not.

I really liked being able to go to Cafe Calypso, which is the neighbor of Half Price Books, and write. Though I mostly write with my laptop computer, especially during any type of long writing. I can’t go by there anymore because they removed the accessible power plugs. I liked sitting there and being able to just be somewhere else for a while, as if it was my writing office. Plus I could look around at the books in the store next door, before and after writing. It wasn’t really the sounds of the Cafe that I liked. I just felt comfortable there. Sure, there are other coffee places, but that was my favorite.

I don’t know what to do. Do I stick with the story I have, and force myself to keep writing? I can’t even think of trying to write something new. I feel my only solution is to stick with the story, but find a different approach to write it. I just don’t know what it will be. Lately I’ve been reading more (thanks to The Cuckoo’s Calling & The Lost King), and writing less. I figure that reading could be useful, as well as exercising more (which I’m slacking on). I just wish I had some kind of sign that could direct me towards what I needed to do exactly. Though that isn’t likely to happen.

Can these words count towards my Camp NaNoWriMo goal? I wish.

Castle and Beckett are breaking down their wall… So if they can do it, so can we, right?

P.S. I recommend checking out this great blog post from my friend Gloria (aka Philosopher) about her struggle to crumble writer’s block. As well as this blog post from my friend Wendy where she talks about writing tips and tricks.

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