When self-doubt creeps in…
Suddenly you don’t feel like any thing will work. You feel like you don’t have any talent. What’s the use, you think, everything has already been done before? So what if what you had planned on writing isn’t what you really want to do, especially for a whole month? How do you decide what to do? You’ve tried to journal it out, pray, talk to others, and even cry about it. Though the crying doesn’t last long because you know that it doesn’t bring a solution. It does sure make you feel a bit better, but not completely. This is when self-doubt creeps in. It’s the inner-critic, being really negative, trying to tell you that everything you’ve written or will write won’t ever be good enough. I wish I knew the solution to kick self-doubt to the curb. Where is this coming from you may ask?
Well, after my last post, things externally and internally have been making me question if I should stick with the story I have been planning so far for Camp NaNoWriMo. First of all, as much as I value fan-fiction, I don’t know how well I could write a Doctor Who story for a whole month. I feel like the main characters won’t come out right. Even though I’m creating my own characters, and figuring out the plot, I’m wondering if it would be best to just do an original story for Camp NaNoWriMo. I’ve done original stories so far for NaNoWriMo, and Camp NaNoWriMo. If I do decide to change my plans and write an original story, would I write a story I had planned on doing before but haven’t written it yet, or figure out a new one? I’ve been thinking about doing a new original story since I finished the first session of Camp NaNoWriMo in April. Then I couldn’t think of anything, and later I got excited about writing about Doctor Who. It’s not that I don’t want to write about Doctor Who, I just don’t feel as confident that I could do it justice. So isn’t it better that I realized that now, and during July? I think so. Plus I still have about a week left before Camp NaNoWriMo starts. I just wish I knew what to do.
I feel like I know, but some thing is stopping me from making a decision. Is it because I had already made a lot of plans for my Doctor Who story, and I’m basically starting over again with only a week left to plan? Or is it because have only a basic plot from a previous original story idea to work with, and nothing new? Just some thoughts that have been running through my mind since yesterday. I commented about this on the NaNoWriMo forum, and this is what stood out to me from the replies, “Maybe a different story (not Doctor Who) wants to be written and wants you to be the writer. Your uncertainty maybe the first sign that something better is going to come from your pen” and “The ‘basic’ plot does not sound basic or boring at all, at least to me! Go with whatever story you feel you should write but I seriously think it will end up being great.” Some thing about these words make me feel better. I may just need to think about it a bit more before make any decision, but I seemed to already be leading towards some thing more original.
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